the best damn thing

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just went out for a rare walk with my mum. one of the very few i can share comfortable silence with.
i wish there'll be a day when i can share my dreams for the Kingdom with her. and that she'll understand, support and even share my excitement.

that day will come.

ENDedit.

just returned from dance practice !

YES dance practice. for the jc district's item for camp coming up in exactly ONE WEEK ! bounces excitedly.

really excited about many things, but rather tired (and due to time constraints) shant elab much.

my entire two weeks ahead are B L O W N. this week is lessons, word for life, dance practice, sc camp. woah. and next week is CHURCH CAMP ! YAYYAYYAYYAY. beamm.

just getting a little worried about homework.

its amazing how God sends little messages and people to give us the little pat on the back we need every now and then.

i thought i was running away, but i realised i did put in effort. i tried the first time, and it failed. never mind. i tried again, and it didnt even last twentyfour hours. i get tired too, you know. i get impatient too. i question why, though i guess i wont be getting an answer. sometimes i get angry thinking about this. ive put in effort. have you? perhaps you have, before everything went haywire. but what about now? i'm fully aware that i am in the wrong. i admit that. but have you realised, that you have a part to play in this, too? what happened to all the times we were thankful for each other. what happened to all the times we cried together, laughed together and spent most of our time with each other ? what happened to the times when we would talk endlessly about nothing in particular and leave feeling that we've still got so much to say? what happened to the encouraging words, the cards full of meaningful, heartwarming words ?

what happened to us ?

i dont remember who said it, but someone said before, that man can rationalise everything. i think it was during the relationship seminar. rationalise as in, make up stupid reasons that sound reasonable if you dont look deep enough. and i realise that its true ! hahh. its so often that we find ridiculous excuses for our laziness and for shirking responsibility of things.

i dont think i'm running away. after thinking about things, perhaps this is an opening for something greater. influence can change, and greater things can be done. but at such expense..? i dont get why both cant exist at the same time. or perhaps its too much to ask. perhaps like they always say, we really do have to sacrifice for the Kingdom.

i just didnt think it would be in this way. sigh.

shucks. i'm all muddled up. maybe i'm just finding a dumb reason to hide my cowardice. but it makes perfect sense to me. sigh.

its alright. i still am secure. i know everything will be fine, and revealed in time to come.

everyone needs compassion, a love thats never failing.

thank God i have that. (: