but now you are slipping away

tomorrow.

laughing's never been this hard.

edit -

i'm injured again.

its strange how you get disappointed despite expecting nothing.

to be honest, i didnt expect you to react. but i didnt think that you'd be as indifferent as to be doing your homework throughout my announcement of such grave importance. i repeated that it was something of great urgency and importance, and yet you never lifted your head to acknowledge it. i dont expect anyone to love us as much as i do, because i know its not easy, and its not possible, either, but to be this indifferent, this nonchalant - your silence speaks so much more than your speech ever could.

its amazing how you dont care, while others who've hardly even experienced half or even a quarter of what we'd done together, show so much concern. anxiety. outrage. perhaps you care, but your homework was your priority. perhaps you care, but you're just not emotional enough to voice it. perhaps you care, but you just dont care enough to say anything about it. i'm giving you the benefit of the doubt, though i think it'd be rather foolish to do so, judging from how much i know about you. comparison is never fair, but in this context, i beg to differ. perhaps he doesnt care, and he's only doing it for face value. but why would he? there is just no reason. and for that, i'm thankful. i'm thankful that there is someone else on the face of this earth who bothers to say, how could they do this? i'm thankful that there's someone else who feels my anguish, even if it werent of the same magnitude; i'm thankful, that despite how little we'd gone through together, he cares.

there've been developments; news from the people upstairs - that the next council will be entirely new, started from scratch. that pa will not be part of council anymore, that it will be some club/cca instead. that there will be no committees - just a council full of people who take turns to do the jobs that we used to specialise and take tremendous pride in. there's more - vp even told me that the next president will be on his own. no vps. he'll choose his own excos as well.

isnt it ironic how pa's lifelong dream of being officially isolated from the council finally comes true, while ours have no way of being fulfilled ?

the future is so uncertain that i'm tired of looking through the fog for them. and yet its so difficult to conjure false hope, to fabricate seemingly harmless white lies to ease that emotional trauma. its so easy to say, why bother? the next term isnt even your term anymore. you'll be retired - thanked for your service and contribution in the past 3 years. and with that, your attachment should end ! its never been just a responsibility. its been a joy, an experience; a lesson, a journey - sometimes, its the very reason why i even go to school.

no one will understand. i dont expect anyone to, dont try, and dont say you do because you'd be lying.

i cry. not for what we never were,
but for what you can never be.

was it me ?