the beat in my heart

thanks for nagging. i shouldve known blogging about that was a mistake.
i was actually nostalgic for a moment, remembering the many times you people would nag at me during sgb, and threaten not to let me out for delivery if i didnt have lunch first, not let me sleep if my hair was still wet, force me to eat when i wasnt hungry when we had dinner in the wee hours in the morning, forbid me from sleeping on the table in the wishes room (though i did it anyway HAH.) i miss those days sometimes, but when i think about the sacrifices made for it, it reminds me not to make the mistake of joining sgb o8. HAHA. i'll visit if i can. (:

i'm.. aching a little inside. cuz emily is drifting out of reach.
i'm.. at a loss. what can i do to make you see what you'll be giving up ?
i'm.. confused. did i handle that situation poorly ?
i'm.. afraid. when school starts, will cabbing down be enough ?
i'm.. vexed. there must be more i can do.
i'm.. disappointed. was it neglect on my part ?
i'm.. unsure of myself. make that very unsure.
i'm.. lost in the tangle of my own thoughts. what really is the root of the problem ?

i'm being pessimistic again.

'Some fell on rocky places, where it did not have much soil. It sprang up quickly, because the soil was shallow. But when the sun came up, the plants were scorched, and they withered because they had no root. Other seed fell among thorns, which grew up and choked the plants.'

i really pray that you'd see what you'll be missing out on if you made that choice.

is it wrong if i'm itching to do something more than just pray ? or does that mean i dont trust God enough ?